a few months ago, i went back to a well-known beginning. the story of moses.
struggle, doubt, and confusion surrounded the beginning of his calling as a deliverer of the children of israel.
in looking at exodus 3 and 4, i came to several conclusions about moses.
he hid from the Lord and was afraid to look at His face. (3:6)
he questioned his own worth and value by asking “who am i?” (3:11)
he was hesitant to obey because it was uncomfortable. (3:13)
he doubted the Lord’s word to him. (3:13)
he wanted proof and questioned God. (3:18)
he disagreed with God by stating “they will not believe or listen to me.” (4:1)
he made it about his insecurities. (4:10)
he resisted his new identity as a deliverer of people of God. (4:12-13)
in the conversation between God and moses at the burning bush, He was clearly calling moses out of a life of the mundane to do something great. in one of his pleadings, he told the Lord that he was not eloquent or good with words, that he had a tendency to become tongue-tied. yet, God acknowledged He created his mouth and tongue and He told moses “i will be with your mouth and will teach you what to say.” (4:12)
but moses again pleaded with the Lord. (v. 13) he still didn’t want to go.
the One who identified Himself as the God of abraham, isaac, and jacob spoke personally to moses to call him out from the circumstances he was in, to bring about the deliverance of the people of israel. despite the clarity of the call, unbelief and doubt still flooded his heart. he chose fear instead of trusting in what the Lord was saying to him. moses was unsure and untrusting of the words that were spoken over him. continual excuses were how he combatted the powerful call he was to step into.
then the Lord became angry (vs. 14), and said He would send aaron with him.
even though moses struggled and didn’t fully believe at the beginning of the journey, God still delivered through him. He showed grace towards moses and ultimately he (with the company of aaron) led the people of israel out of egypt. when he and aaron came and told the people of israel what the Lord had spoken, and how He had seen their distress, they fell down and worshiped God. (4.31)
what is He saying about us? the very thing that moses battled with the most fiercely was what God had destined him to be from before the foundations of the world. the chance for Moses to be dependent and always attuned to the Lord’s heart was critical. each step he took and each sign he was to perform was only able to be accomplished through obedience to His voice. moses’s dependence upon the Lord was the only way he accomplished his call. it was the Lord’s power, His plan, His purpose and He desired to use moses (and aaron) to do it.
what does the Lord desire to do through us? where is there opportunity for Him to display His purpose in our everyday? how can we lean into His heart for those around us?
in what potential ways could we begin to walk in more freedom to be able to see the face of God (and not be ashamed), to believe that our value and worth is from Him alone, and have that knowledge empower us with the freedom to be our most full selves? in what places is our obedience being tested, and what does that reveal about the beliefs in our heart? where can we increase our faith and action even when we don’t have the proof that we may desire? what is He saying about us and our identity?
it is these questions that i have been wrestling with in this current season. even though i don’t know exactly what the call on my life is, i do know it is one that is fashioned for me uniquely, and i desire to pursue it with all of my being. even among the weaknesses and times of struggle, times of fear and disbelief, and times of uncertainty and doubt, my desire is still to hear the words that He is speaking over me and take steps (however small) in that direction. to intimately pursue the Lord’s heart. to begin my story.
madeinthefold 